After the last cute-but-filler episode of ‘Gossip Girl’, it was nice to see our favorite Upper East Siders going full throttle and giving us some long-awaited closure this week; we were treated to a make-up, a break-up and a wake-up, and all three were long overdue.

Forget ornithology, in NYC, we’re firmly focused on skank-watching, and thanks to Little J, our binoculars have been getting a major work-out over the past few episodes. This week saw Jenny stepping up her game in a way that would make Channing Tatum jealous, even going so far as to enlist the help of a certain Basstard in her attempt to pry Nate out of Serena’s distracted arms.

I know the first season was a whole three years ago, but surely I’m not the only one who remembers Chuck and Jenny’s first rooftop encounter? I can’t help but find it deeply skeevy any time our billionaire playboy gets all lecherous with Jenny from the block, especially considering he was about thirty seconds from date-raping her in the very first episode — take heed, writers, first impressions aren’t so easy to shake.

Regardless of the ickiness of Chuck and Jenny’s unholy alliance, it was clear that Chuck is every bit as well-versed in the Serena van der Woodsen playbook as the rest of us; if there’s a wrong conclusion to jump to, chances are that S has already set the long-jump record. She played right into Jenny’s hands with her overreaction to spotting Nate’s shirt in Jenny’s bag, and even flipped out at him after witnessing him valiantly deflecting Jenny’s advances. Very bad form, S.

While I think Nate was entirely justified in his frustration over Serena’s secrecy (even though he’s such a doormat, it’s no wonder she walks all over him) it was satisfying to see her finally open up, and for the ever-faithful Nate to still be willing to hear her out even after she’d given him the run-around for days. Sure beats the old Serena/Dan dynamic of seeing who could push the other away the hardest.

And can I get a hallelujah that Nate decided to grow a backbone just in time to turn the hose on Little Jenny Homewrecker’s burning love? Interesting that we weren’t treated to a shot of her reaction to his dismissal — I’m guessing that we’re saving that nuclear fallout for next week.

But as one door opens, another closes, which hopefully means an end for the terminally snoozeworthy Dan and Vanessa romance. At first it seemed like Dan had finally figured out a way not to let his insecurity royally FUBAR his relationship this time around, but then he went blabbing about his bruised ego to Willa, somehow expecting that his gossip wouldn’t get right back to Vanessa; has he even seen this show?

I’m crossing my fingers that this means Lonely Boy will go back to being lonely instead of just dull, and maybe one of these days he’ll figure out that he needs to stop dating overachieving type-A women who are always going to surpass him, at least until he learns to embrace his mediocrity.

As for the aforementioned wake-up? I’m pretty sure that this episode treated us to the most mature and mentally stable Blair Waldorf in the history of the show, and I couldn’t have loved her more.

After enduring yet another one of Chuck’s grandiose mind games, Blair finally decided that it was time to give up her timeshare in Denial and head for a brighter climate –obviously there’s no point trying to ignore the impact that Chuck has had on her, but that doesn’t mean she’s a ruined woman. Once again, it’s nice to see her growing up and letting go, even if baby Bass is having issues with doing the same.

And what’s this I spy with my little eye, another long-lost relative who may not be exactly what he seems? Just another Monday on the Upper East Side, then. I just hope that Dr. van der Woodsen won’t be writing Serena a prescription for a whole heap of new daddy issues by the season’s end, the tabloids can’t take the excitement.

Until next week, ‘Gossip’ groupies.

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